I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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