I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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