He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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