The maid of honor just puked.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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