my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
