I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We had sex on a dog bed..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
