Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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