I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
