Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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