I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
