planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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