The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
