I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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