why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
