Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
