I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
