Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Randomize
