I didn't shave. On purpose
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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