I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
