I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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