it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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