I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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