I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
