there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
