Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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