I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
