Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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