i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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