I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
