You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
