i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
