But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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