hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
