O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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