is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
