im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm getting married
To pizza
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
