Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
