if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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