Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
