Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
