Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
