OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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