Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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