The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
