She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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