My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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