I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The maid of honor just puked.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
