1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
