I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
