sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
