you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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