The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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